creating conversations: receiving with grace

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Conversations….mmmm, I love having them. But the art of conversation is not celebrated enough in our culture. And it is becoming ever more critical online as we struggle with tools that don’t communicate facial expressions or even intonation. So what can we do to bring forth conversation and nurture it?

Of course there are some simple obvious answers: ask questions and express gratitude. Come from a state of curiosity.

But how about receiving with grace? We have valued being independent or autonomous so highly that many of us have lost touch with the ability to receive with grace. Allow other people to feel good about their contribution. Don’t quickly close the social reciprocity contract–you know that sense that you have to return the favor? Don’t take it to be a sign that you are a slacker or a mooch! What a negative framing that is…although it does point to people who are not being gracious about receiving (or our jealousy of those that do receive with ease).

Keep in mind that people don’t see the world for what it is, they see it for what they are. Most people think about themselves, especially in our competitive culture. If you allow people to see themselves positively, they will see you positively.

I had a lovely friend who spoke about those in his social network in the most flattering terms. He said how brilliant and creative they were. And it made me feel like I must be pretty brilliant or creative to be included in his world, since that was clearly what he filtered for. And I had the sense that when he talked about me to others, he was saying amazing things about me (ones I might not even be able to believe about myself). Oh, was he ever attractive to spend time with!

What can you celebrate in others? Especially when they have given you something. Instead of returning the favor, do them a different sort of favor by saying very specifically what you see them having done for you (or for others), how that works for your needs and values, and how thankful you are for it. This is NOT a display of your weakness, in fact it shows your confidence and strength.

Allow it to create a flow in conversation toward common connection–shared celebration of shared values, other instances of gratitude or other things to be grateful for. Be patient in listening and clearly ask for more. I mean clearly as in “can you tell me more about that?” Or “What I hear you saying is ‘insert summary or key points‘ and I would love to know more about how you came to that/where you want to do with that.”

Receive with grace and enjoy your conversations flourishing–online and off.

We add up…

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We sure do…we add up all our buying and tossing (storyofstuff.com) and then our electricity consumption and our cars…and it all adds up to a world beyond sustainability. On the other extreme of thriving.


But we can add up in other ways too. We can add up in our effort to make change. This Earth Day consider being counted…literally. Weaddup.com sells shirts and you can get your number. Make adding up something worth doing.

weaddupshirt

[of course this is a shameless plug…of a really cool friend’s biz…but it is really inspired!]

Shine Unconference

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Calling all social entrepreneurs in England or willing to travel there.

Have the discussions you want with your peers! Meet and learn about what interests you.

Unconference.

http://www.shineunconference.com/

Green Girl at 6footSix

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Through my dear friend Steve Crandall, I became aware of this amazing woman, Colleen, who is 6 foot 7 and plays beach volleyball professionally. What we all share, besides being tall, is a passion about climate change.

Colleen and Steve have been brainstorming different ways for her to create sponsorships so she can continue to play. They have also been brainstorming on ways to make an impact around climate change. The two come together at http://www.6footsix.com/.

Do you have any creative ideas about how Colleen can use her billboard-like eye-grabbing body to both make people aware of climate change issues and get sponsorships?

Currently she wears temporary tattoos at 1 meter–showing how high on her body the water will rise in the next 20 years (according to some). I think she has a good story to tell around this mark and solid information to provide to people who ask her about it. What I think she could add is a place for people to go to take action. Greenhome, Osoeco, Eden, GreenLeaf, ClimateCounts, SustainLane, Bioneers, etc would be the kinds of organization I picture benefiting from her magnificent height and bikini sized advertising space. Then people would associate her climate conversation with the brand she was wearing.

Do you have any ideas for Colleen? Contact her at 6footsix using that lovely google service, gmail.

Don’t finish that!

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I have the sense that there are lots of people doing really great work…but they want to get it to a finished point before sharing it. Really? Sure about that?

In the age of participatory, nay, collaborative culture, as soon as something is finished it can’t be collaborative. If you want other people pitching in to make an idea work, software better, or actions more impactful…don’t dictate what should happen and push out what has been finished. Open with curiosity. Share vision and motivation…share ideas as rough sketches for group discussion. Collaboration doesn’t work as well if comes off as “I made this, now will you implement it?” *

Collaboration works better as “I had an idea, what would you do…? or would you help me figure out…?” And it can really work well with a bit of acknowledgment like, “You are such a whiz kid at x, and I was working on this idea related to that….could you help me think it through?” or “You are so well connected in z neighborhood/network, I would like to vision there. How do you think that could work?” So I encourage those of us in collaboration to stop finishing things. Let documents come alive–living documents invite collaboration… Let ideas and actions live.

*This worked better in pyramidal structures where authority or perceived authority can push things to happen. In collaborative culture, work is accomplished by attraction–the pull of an idea, person, thing, or vision. And the key to get in the door of collaboration is invitation. Don’t invite people to a party that is finished.

Collaborative Organization

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For now, see the image…I had a delightful insight this morning…and I will get around to explaining it. This is the placeholder for now. 🙂

Collaborative Network image

It might be no surprise that organizations can collaborate this way. Many already do. However, what I see collective intelligence efforts doing creates the hub and spoke network shape. Being intentional about creating collaborative organization at face to face events and collaborations seems valuable to me. Furthermore, processes like Open Space, to a great degree, enable this form of collaborative organization. However, until we deeply celebrate the roll of butterflies and bees….we aren’t truly capturing the intelligence between sessions in a powerful, useful way.

More to come…

Leadership is so last century…

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I was having a delightful conversation with the amazing and insightful Jack Ricchiuto last night. Whenever I speak with him, I feel compelled to take fastidious notes because the gems of wisdom pour from him as if he was Rumpelstiltskin weaving gold from hay. He spoke of moving from leadership of individuals to the small group as the core essential unit. And it struck me immediately as very insightful…I was so ready for that nugget of wisdom!

So this is why I am thinking this shift is valuable. And I would love to hear your thinking on this issue, since I am still piecing it together.

When we focus on leaders, we put our attention on their role and performance. It is dis-empowering to the other vital players in a group. Each member of a group is important whether they are the nurturers who support the best coming from all or the harvesters which synthesize and bring the gems forward….or the critics who help refine the ideas…or the clown which makes it fun and full of laughter…or any number of other archetypes that come into play. Sometimes these characteristics are multiple in one person, sometimes they are shared across many. However, focusing on the leader dissipates attention away from the system dynamics at play in a group.

For too long we have privileged the voice of the group, the instigator, the dictator… Or worse, we have pretended that the pyramidal structures work with “leaders” at the top rather than collaborators throughout.

And improving the output of the group by working on the leader in particular is like treating your toe pain without considering your whole body (and that if you held a different posture, the pain would go away). Move away from group pain by: focusing on the positive–the strengths of each collaborator, the dream the group has passion for, the small accountable next step of action, and people needed for the collaboration to be fruitful. Jack and his partner have a whole process for it. 🙂

Change–We are it!

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So I know I have been writing mostly about politics and issues lately. I apologize for not being more focused on nurturing. Part of it might be that I am working on the nurturing ideas on the thrivability blog. Part of it might be that I have been doing more than talking lately. And part of it might be that now seems like a critical political time. I promise to get back to nurturing social change in a more targeted sense…but first, this passionate post about Change.

Several posts ago I argued for Gore to be president. And I do love how he is coming forward in the world to strongly and clearly push for change. However, I must accept that he isn’t going for the presidency…so who am I stuck with? I decided against Hillary…over many months, but it was really clear to me when I saw a friend’s facebook “what am I doing” that said “Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton” and it hit me like a lumber truck. Yikes, I DON’T want more of that pattern! So I started looking at this Obama character more. I remembered when he became senator and there was talk years ago that he had the charisma to go for the presidency in 08. And here we are.

I saw more friends jumping on the Obama wagon, and I raised an eyebrow. Really? Hmmm, I wonder why. Then a friend emailed his speech in Atlanta…and I saw the “Yes We Can” video….and I started to wonder. Do we really have a potential candidate that has some morals? Some aspirations for unity and change? Some hope? Really? I dared not hope. But I did start to sign on–Obama became my choice.

But it really struck me hard, and I become convinced last week. Not because of the great winning streak or the videos and media around the guy. No, I became convinced when I spoke with my cousin. She is a precinct captain for Obama. Obviously she is a fan, and her explanation of politics likely biased by her preference. No matter, the story she told me is what moved me. She told of going to an event for Obama a year ago. And while it is usually a white, middle to upper class, college-educated, and older crowd that gets involved in pushing a campaign…she said the people showing up to work towards Obama for president came from many classes, races, and ages. And she said when she went to an event to offer herself as precinct captain, she saw again–a strong turnout from a very mixed audience. She talked about meeting people who had never voted, and they were now–not just registering to vote–they were volunteering to campaign. There is a giant awakening–the grassroots push for change.

And I walked away from that conversation with hope in my heart. Might the mighty sleeping beast of American engagement across race, class, age, sex, and religion be waking up to take back control. Might things have become so astonishingly bad in the last 8-20 years, that we as a country are ready to participate in democracy because we finally recognize we each have skin in the game?

Americans have too long been voting on party lines and against their own self-interest. Republicans have too long been manipulating the polls. It is time to show in great and magnificent numbers that we clearly want change. Let there be no doubt about numbers this year. Let us voice in unison our call and support for major shifting of politics here. Let us shout to the world that we, as a people, want to re-engage in the world as servant leaders for uplift.

MacArthur announces Digital Media and Learning awardees

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Great to see the list of winners. I helped several friends with their application. Unfortunately they are not on the list. However, the projects listed appear to be strong and valuable.

Projects like Fractor are both innovative and potentially powerful. Fractor links news stories to opportunities to take action. Don’t just read the news, do something about it. 🙂 Hypercities would be wise to connect to Global Lives (who applied but didn’t win). Global Lives has the digital storytelling that Hypercities needs to be successful.

Networking Grassroots Knowledge Globally would do well to connect up with the existing Catalytic Communities (of which I am a board member) to get a headstart on collecting successful community-led initiatives.

Social Media Virtual Classroom. Go Howard! I continue to be pleased with the initiatives and ideas he puts out there.

And YouthActionNet Marketplace looks interesting, especially for all my friends interested in empowering young people to get into social entrepreneurship. I do wonder how something like this can connect with the new expanding Catalytic Communities community solutions database.

Yeah! Great to see all these projects full of good intention. I look forward to seeing the progress of each.

Speech? Press? Free?

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BBC:

A controversial website that allows whistle-blowers to anonymously post government and corporate documents has been taken offline in the US.

Wikileaks.org, as it is known, was cut off from the internet following a California court ruling, the site says.

Here’s how the homepage looks now. Background on Wikileaks at Wikipedia. Slashdot reports that Wikileaks also sustained a fire and a denial of service attack. The domain name of Wikileaks is offline, but the site has been mirrored. Fascinating to see the interaction of whistleblowers, courts, and in this case a bank for the ultra-rich allegedly supporting tax evasion and money laundering.

More from Wry Things here.
(This text pulled from www.gifthub.org, thank you Phil for the short version.)