creating conversations: receiving with grace

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Conversations….mmmm, I love having them. But the art of conversation is not celebrated enough in our culture. And it is becoming ever more critical online as we struggle with tools that don’t communicate facial expressions or even intonation. So what can we do to bring forth conversation and nurture it?

Of course there are some simple obvious answers: ask questions and express gratitude. Come from a state of curiosity.

But how about receiving with grace? We have valued being independent or autonomous so highly that many of us have lost touch with the ability to receive with grace. Allow other people to feel good about their contribution. Don’t quickly close the social reciprocity contract–you know that sense that you have to return the favor? Don’t take it to be a sign that you are a slacker or a mooch! What a negative framing that is…although it does point to people who are not being gracious about receiving (or our jealousy of those that do receive with ease).

Keep in mind that people don’t see the world for what it is, they see it for what they are. Most people think about themselves, especially in our competitive culture. If you allow people to see themselves positively, they will see you positively.

I had a lovely friend who spoke about those in his social network in the most flattering terms. He said how brilliant and creative they were. And it made me feel like I must be pretty brilliant or creative to be included in his world, since that was clearly what he filtered for. And I had the sense that when he talked about me to others, he was saying amazing things about me (ones I might not even be able to believe about myself). Oh, was he ever attractive to spend time with!

What can you celebrate in others? Especially when they have given you something. Instead of returning the favor, do them a different sort of favor by saying very specifically what you see them having done for you (or for others), how that works for your needs and values, and how thankful you are for it. This is NOT a display of your weakness, in fact it shows your confidence and strength.

Allow it to create a flow in conversation toward common connection–shared celebration of shared values, other instances of gratitude or other things to be grateful for. Be patient in listening and clearly ask for more. I mean clearly as in “can you tell me more about that?” Or “What I hear you saying is ‘insert summary or key points‘ and I would love to know more about how you came to that/where you want to do with that.”

Receive with grace and enjoy your conversations flourishing–online and off.

We add up…

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We sure do…we add up all our buying and tossing (storyofstuff.com) and then our electricity consumption and our cars…and it all adds up to a world beyond sustainability. On the other extreme of thriving.


But we can add up in other ways too. We can add up in our effort to make change. This Earth Day consider being counted…literally. Weaddup.com sells shirts and you can get your number. Make adding up something worth doing.

weaddupshirt

[of course this is a shameless plug…of a really cool friend’s biz…but it is really inspired!]

Shine Unconference

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Calling all social entrepreneurs in England or willing to travel there.

Have the discussions you want with your peers! Meet and learn about what interests you.

Unconference.

http://www.shineunconference.com/

Green Girl at 6footSix

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Through my dear friend Steve Crandall, I became aware of this amazing woman, Colleen, who is 6 foot 7 and plays beach volleyball professionally. What we all share, besides being tall, is a passion about climate change.

Colleen and Steve have been brainstorming different ways for her to create sponsorships so she can continue to play. They have also been brainstorming on ways to make an impact around climate change. The two come together at http://www.6footsix.com/.

Do you have any creative ideas about how Colleen can use her billboard-like eye-grabbing body to both make people aware of climate change issues and get sponsorships?

Currently she wears temporary tattoos at 1 meter–showing how high on her body the water will rise in the next 20 years (according to some). I think she has a good story to tell around this mark and solid information to provide to people who ask her about it. What I think she could add is a place for people to go to take action. Greenhome, Osoeco, Eden, GreenLeaf, ClimateCounts, SustainLane, Bioneers, etc would be the kinds of organization I picture benefiting from her magnificent height and bikini sized advertising space. Then people would associate her climate conversation with the brand she was wearing.

Do you have any ideas for Colleen? Contact her at 6footsix using that lovely google service, gmail.

Don’t finish that!

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I have the sense that there are lots of people doing really great work…but they want to get it to a finished point before sharing it. Really? Sure about that?

In the age of participatory, nay, collaborative culture, as soon as something is finished it can’t be collaborative. If you want other people pitching in to make an idea work, software better, or actions more impactful…don’t dictate what should happen and push out what has been finished. Open with curiosity. Share vision and motivation…share ideas as rough sketches for group discussion. Collaboration doesn’t work as well if comes off as “I made this, now will you implement it?” *

Collaboration works better as “I had an idea, what would you do…? or would you help me figure out…?” And it can really work well with a bit of acknowledgment like, “You are such a whiz kid at x, and I was working on this idea related to that….could you help me think it through?” or “You are so well connected in z neighborhood/network, I would like to vision there. How do you think that could work?” So I encourage those of us in collaboration to stop finishing things. Let documents come alive–living documents invite collaboration… Let ideas and actions live.

*This worked better in pyramidal structures where authority or perceived authority can push things to happen. In collaborative culture, work is accomplished by attraction–the pull of an idea, person, thing, or vision. And the key to get in the door of collaboration is invitation. Don’t invite people to a party that is finished.