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Expressing Thrivability: Lonny Grafman

Gratitude. I want to highlight some people I feel grateful to know and experience, people who are expressions of thrivability.

Lonny Grafman headshotRecently I saw Lonny Grafman.  Do you know him? I met him in his role as the founder of Appropedia – the encyclopedia for appropriate technology solutions.

He is a Practivista. He is head of product for Nexi, a startup being incubated at HighwayOne. Lonny is so multi-dimensional. Sometimes he is in the Dominican Republic building homes out of local materials with his students. Sometimes he is in NYC working on an art project that gets us thinking about living systems design (http://www.thewaterpod.org/).

While Lonny is the epitome of hacker engineer, he is also deeply rooted in what it means to be human, how to honor and respect each other, and how to be with each other in practice. I admire what he does. More than that though, I admire how he is – his beingness. Human. Funny. Compassionate. Solution-focused. Present. Perceptive.

Lonny holds several of the keys to thrivability for me. Thank you Lonny.

Wand of Gratitude

Between Jerry sending me the book “The Gift of Thanks: The Roots and Rituals of Gratitude” and David Rose saying “wand of gratitude” I have to embrace my role as a freaky gratitude fairy. And I want a wand! Not that I think some magic dust will make everything alright. It won’t. Not that I think the right snap of my wrist dancing the wand will make something transport to the world of Harry Potter. No, I want the wand because it acts as an anchor.  An object that can remind me (and others) that gratitude is part of the alchemy of connection.

Crown Give-a-way Detail II
Creative Commons License photo credit: queenie13

Maybe I will make myself one. I have the craft supplies. 🙂

When I wave this wand of gratitude I want two things to happen:

  1. the gratitude I feel towards someone will be known and felt by any who witness it
  2. the person toward whom I direct the wand will recognize the gratitude they have

Because of these two things, we will recognize the value, tangible and intangible in what we have together and individually. And recognizing that value will make it clear how very precious it is.

I wave my wand of gratitude over you.

If it were not for….

HildyGottlieb

What created the today you will build your future upon? Fill in the blank: If it weren’t for __ I wouldn’t be/have ___.

This twitter post inspired me to share my gratitude.

If it were not for… my network… I would be or have nearly anything I do have and am.

I can name names here. And I have at time in public and in private shared with those people that I am clear have been instrumental in getting me where I am. When I picture answering this question, I see a rippling wave spreading out from this moment. It converges at this time and this place, but the factors and people that had to be in place and in time in order to arrive here are manifold. Many many manifold. And this is not just true for me, it is also true of everyone else in this great overlapping ripple that at its best creates a wave. Perhaps even a rogue wave.

On a skinny puppy song I used to enjoy… there was a sample at the beginning, “is it me and my head or me and my body?” Now I think of this as “Is it me and my network or me and my environment.” Am I even a distinct thing beyond my network? Or distinct from my environment? I am so deeply comprised of the people who have touched my life. Their influence on me forms this palimpsest that makes up my being. In this layered collage, there are colors and sections that seem more vibrant than others, more noticeable. But the whole of the composition is from the whole of the experience. And so too with the landscapes I have been in. I am both the product and the agent of the environments I inhabit.

If it were not for you, I would not be me. Ripple ripple, overlap, and gap.

Gratitude and TweetsGiving 09

This post is in several parts. First, I want to talk about the power of gratitude. Second, I want to share some of my gratitude. Finally, I want to share with you an opportunity to share gratitude with me and many others. If you want to jump to the gratitude event of the season, scurry over to Tweetgiving.

Gratitude

I remember being teased lovingly for my gratitude and thanking habits when I was a teen, and I am still at it. Why? Gratitude is such a powerful force in creating happiness and joy – both in the giver and the receiver. This isn’t just my experience. Research has tied gratitude to happiness, combating depression, greater creativity, and greater overall success. Gratitude can show up in many ways: keep gratitude journal, remember to thank others for kindness, acknowledging privilege of place/time/birth, documenting appreciation of others, give back (volunteer) or pay it forward (donate) and many more. I regularly use the #gratitude tag on twitter and post my appreciation of others. Not only is this about being positive, it also creates a feedback loop so those I thank might feel encouraged to do more of what I admire about them. Let me expand on my gratitude in specifics here.

My Gratitude

It is a daunting task to express gratitude here today. I am usually flowing with it, and I wish I had the space here to say everything I am grateful for. Today, wanting to be more comprehensive, I fear I will forget many important people and experiences I am profoundly grateful for. However, to be exhaustive may take the rest of my life. So consider this a small excerpt.

  • For their profound impact on me, their generosity, and weekly sharing, my dearest friends, thank you: Steve Crandall, Valdis Krebs, Todd Hoskins, Jill Palermo, Evonne Heyning, and Tracy Gary.
  • For deep and long term support, listening, challenging, and championing, thank you: Hava Gurevich, Jo Guldi, Monica Zaucha, Lewis Hoffman, Justin Lowell-Bellew, Michael Maranda, and Arthur Brock.
  • For deep spirit conversations and mentorship: Ken Homer, Sheri Herndon, and Chris Byrne.
  • For believing in me and my dream and taking it on as their own, the thrivable champions: Jerry Michalski, Kevin Clark, Kevin Doyle Jones, Leif Utne, Sidney Hargro, Gil Friend, Charles, and several of those already listed. And for investment in thrivable: David Hodgson and Ruth Ann Harnish. For being such an evangelist: Steve Jennings. Also thanks to Loren Cole for powerful conversations, support, and a magnificent picnic.
  • For creating a ring of female energy around me that feeds me and keeps me true: Kaliya Hamlin, Jessica Margolin, Lisa Tracy, Lisa Parker, Christina Jordan, Maryann Fernandez, Karen Payne, Julie Peterson, Judi Clark, Tree Breeson, Kara Carell, Dorothee Royal-Hedinger, Sarah Connor, Michelle Haimoff, Kathrine Mancuso, Diane Mikutis, Susan Gleason, Stacey Monk, Kimberly Olson, my mother and sister, and several of those already listed.
  • For their faith, by which I saw myself anew, may they each know how transformative they are and my undying gratitude, no matter how many years pass: Tom Munnecke, David Isenberg, Dan Rose, Ron Strickland, Rebecca Saunders, Thomas Kriese, Clary Mulvany, Christine Egger, Rory Turner, Susan Megy (and many of those above most notably Hava Gurevich, Steve Crandall, Tracy Gary, Valdis Krebs, and Jerry Mikalski).
  • For laughter and honesty: Ashis Brahma, Jim Fussell, Ethan McCutchen, Jack Ricchuito, Nathan Lenkowski, Peter Kaminski, Pete Forsyth, Tom Portante, Lonny Grafman, Chris Watkins, Gerard Senehi.
  • Most of all, my two amazing children by whose grace I realized why I am alive and what I am here for.
  • I am also grateful, beyond my social life, for growing up in the hilly woods and prairie of a morraine in central Illinois, for playing in dirt and in trees, for many days idly kayaking with loved ones, for the magnificence of my horses (who I miss very much), for the art that adorns my space, and the beauty of the world as a whole.
  • I am grateful for my senses that let me take in such a magnificent world. I am grateful for my travels which have taken me to nearly every state and a few countries beyond the US. I am grateful that I was raised in a multi-cultural university setting and the privilege and perspective that afforded me.
  • I am grateful for the pain in my life – the many surgeries, the broken bones, and the birthing which brought me into my body in generative ways. And the spiritual, intellectual, and emotional pain and suffering which has shaped me and strengthened me magnificently.
  • And I am grateful to myself – my constant companion and mirror friend, whose advice and instincts I trust above all others and who has carried me through thick and thin, found the goodness in all things, done hard work, and taken delight. That might seem a bit vain, but after 37 years on the planet, I trust myself in really inspiring and powerful ways that fuel my courage, commitment, and generosity, and that is a beautiful and precious thing.

To share gratitude this year, I am partnering with several others on TweetsGiving! Come appreciate life with me!

Share your gratitude via Tweetsgiving

TweetsGiving is a global celebration of gratitude benefiting US nonprofit  Epic Change and supporting Shepherds Junior, a primary school in Arusha, Tanzania. TweetsGiving gratitude parties are now scheduled in over 30 cities from Canberra, Australia to Tel Aviv, Israel to New York City.  We hope you’ll join our global gratitude celebration!  Together, our gratitude has the power to change the world.

Go to tweetsgiving.org or join me at http://thrivable.wagn.org/wagn/Tweetsgiving for opportunities to share your gratitude on a google map or on our wagn. Thank you!

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This post was created as part of a global groundswell of gratitude called TweetsGiving. The celebration, created by US nonprofit Epic Change, is an experiment in social innovation that seeks to change the world through the power of gratitude. I hope you’ll visit the TweetsGiving site to learn more, and to bring your grateful heart to the party by sharing your gratitude, and giving in honor of that for which you’re most thankful.

The Power of Coaching

Five years after going through coach training, I am reflecting on how much it has impacted my life. I mean not just in terms of clients I have worked with, but in terms of how it has impacted what I have done. I was explaining to my coach today how it has grounded me.

During times of transition, I used to feel like there was a freefall into an abyss. What I thought was true shifted and my hooks on the world melted away. I would lose my place. I always managed to land on my feet and make something of my transitions. However, the chaos rippled through many spheres in my world. I am, once again, in a space of transition. There has been a limbo state for a few years, working on projects, working on self, working on my spirituality, working through my divorce. And oddly, despite all the upheavel in the last few months and the shift I sense is coming, I feel grounded. I might, at times, lay down on the foundation floor instead of standing proudly on it, but there is no abyss I am falling through.

Jeanside1

Coaching gave me the tools to look around – where am I at right now? What can I learn from the past to get closer to where I want to be? What do I most want? How do I prioritize what I want? Knowing the gap between where I am and where I want to be, what do I want to do to bridge that gap? When will I do that? And how will I know I am making progress? These are often big questions. And they don’t get answered in a day or a week. They evolve. And while they evolve, coaching offers tools for managing my headspace and heartspace in the process.

How do I not take things personally? How do I navigate conflicts? How do I leave behind beliefs about the world and relationships that are not working for me? Coaching gives me these tools. My particular coach training also relied heavily on Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP). They work incredibly well together. Coaching is aspirational – dream bigger dreams, believe in yourself and others as whole, creative, and resourceful. NLP is a set of best practices on how the brain works. Or how the brain and the body actually work. It doesn’t aim to have an overarching theory of psychology, instead it assumes that what one person can do, another can do. The trick is being able to perceive how. Its practices can range from body and eye movements to strong visualization tactics. Together, coaching and NLP reinforce each other’s strengths.

Coaching has given me answers to the questions I pose above. And the question I haven’t addressed is what that means for me. What did I do or achieve because of this work? There are many things that are too personal to share, and I will give a short list of some I can share:

  • came to terms with a failing marriage and successfully ended it while maintaining a solid relationship to support my children’s well being.
  • created and evolved my own business. I work on my terms with clients I admire, striving not for high returns but for deep alignment.
  • have regular, solid and sacred time with my children and family.
  • repeatedly decided to attend events (such as SoCap) or achieve milestones and developed creative ways of making them happen.
  • developed an international network of support and care, making me more resilient and more open to possibilities.
  • learned to listen deeply and proactively to others, which is a gift in itself.
  • set and achieved audacious personal and business goals in terms of what I did/do, who I am with, and what benefits I receive.
  • healed enough to love fully, openly, compassionately, and resiliently. Able to communicate effectively across any range of emotion.

I still have lots of room for improvement.

I have always been courageous – committing myself to a vision and willfully making it real no matter how uncharted the territory. So that isn’t new or about coaching. And I have always been committed to approaching life as a journey to grow through and experience deeply. Coaching and NLP gave me a toolset for acting upon my core self and in ways that I want to show up in the world. And I am deeply and profoundly grateful.

Huge thanks to my coach and dear friend Jill Palermo and to my trainers specifically Tim Hallbom and Jan Elfline. And very hearty thanks to Drake Zimmerman and Dan Rose for encouraging me on the path.